The Threat of The Unobtrusive

Yet another day working at Barnes & Noble brought with it today, as every day does, an unrepeatable turn of events and moments in time that cause me to ponder. For those who maybe haven't heard me discuss my work in depth, I have been working 7:00-11:00 AM shifts at Barnes & Noble, as I mentioned briefly in my last post. What these shifts consist of is an exercise in tediousness ... shelving. This, when stripped to its basic essentials, means taking specific books off of carts and placing them on the proper shelf where they belong. I'm not complaining. I actually quite enjoy these shelving shifts. By shelving books all around the store I get the opportunity to, sometimes longer than I should, look at the books that are already out on display as well as the ones which I am putting up during my shift. I very much like shelving the "Christian Life" and "Graphic Novel (Comic Book)" sections, but I must be especially careful in those moments to focus on the job at hand, remembering that I am there to work. Perusing is for off time.

As the shift begins I arrive at my first cart that I have been assigned to shelf. Now, it is normally quiet at this stage in the morning, with no music on and not much discussion occurring either. Not very long into the task, my ears perceive an irritating, but not too loud, series of beeps coming from the front of the store. The beeps only lasted for about two seconds, then silence for several more, then the beeps would return. After a mere few minutes, this was quite irksome, as you might expect. As the beeping continued, stopped, started, stopped, started, and stopped I remember thinking two main thoughts: "What could that be?" and "Why isn't someone shutting it off?" This process of consistent annoying sound continued  to trouble me with its unceasing presence for the next 10 minutes or more. Not very long after, certainly less than an hour but greater than 15 minutes, the noise caught my ear again ... but the noise had never left. It was going the whole time, starting, stopping, starting, stopping, starting, etc. Rather than the noise being silenced, something quite different had taken place. I, although entirely unknowingly and unintentionally, had embraced it and my mind had accepted it as "normal". I became comfortable with it.

This example was just a simple noise and a minor aggravation. The scary thing is the thought that came to my mind after I realized what happened with the beeping noises ... I can do the same thing with sin. I speak not of grand and obvious sins. Those sins, any one who has been called by Christ and seeks to follow him daily, are quite clear; and conviction strikes swiftly and surely with them, leaving no room for tolerance. Instead, I am speaking of what can commonly be mistaken as "small sins". If I were to sum up things that God showed me over the course of Bethel's recently-ended 21-day-fast, it would be three different things. The first one was cleaning house. Getting closer to God takes you further from yourself; the very self that lets sin creep in and find a home. As I spent time with God over the fast, He showed me things that I had let into my life, and my very home, that had ... to ... go. I was so moved that I took and got rid of several movies and video games that I once used to permit and enjoy. I got comfortable with them because I didn't do anything about them that first time I allowed them into my life. No different than an irritating beeping were these idols I had let creep into my heart. I got so friendly with these sins that I didn't even realize I was using as entertainment, things that Christ died on the cross to free me from!

"It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts," - C. S. Lewis (as Screwtape)

I pray that God would help me to see these sins as He sees them! I can't afford to fight against certain sins and tolerate others. Sin is sin. God doesn't compare it ... I do. I've been so ashamed of sins which I deemed 'worse than others'. This is a lie straight from the father of them in order to bring shame and despair into our hearts. God, I am a sinful man. I'm not better or worse than anyone else. (Romans 3:9, 23) I am sorry for loving sin. Lord, You hate these abominations, I must hate them also. Jesus, may You truly break me. Give me Your eyes and Your heart, so that I don't get comfortable with sin of any kind; but rather let me draw closer to You, knowing that as I do, You will "make darkness light before me, And crooked places straight."


Brian

"I've been waiting for this time all day long
So that we can be all alone
Worship You with my heart, my soul, and my mind
And leave it all behind." - Disciple (Not Since Breakfast)

I've been convicted by the lyrics of this old-school song multiple times. It makes me ponder: Of all the moments in my day, what is the one I look forward to the most? Is it that moment I get off of work? Is it the reading? Is it enjoying the simplicity of the little joys throughout the day? Or is it the moment that I get to come into the very Presence of the King of Kings, my Lord & Savior? Oh, how many years this last option was completely absent! I can only imagine how painful this was for the Father to watch His child, longing just to be with him, yet watching his eyes wander to other things, fake and temporal things. All the while He just wanted to be with me. It's the very reason He sent His Son ... love!

On the daily 7-11 shift that B&N has had me working at the present, I'm given bountiful amounts of time once that morning shift ends, every moment of which is a gift, that I can choose to do a variety of things with. Today was productive and nice. Lots of reading took place, including an in depth look at a few select verses in Jeremiah 38, as well as other books. I only seriously got into reading as one of my favorite things to do about a year ago, and I'm lovin' it more and more! I'm so thankful for authors that God has used to speak to me. Proverbs 9:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (NKJV) God has shown me that if I truly love Him and desire Him, I will have a deep longing to know more about Him, His very character. This is a crucial part of the Christian walk, but there is another element which is even more important.

After a lengthy afternoon, I finally fell to my knees to spend time with my God and what happened next brought me to tears. A lot of times, it takes a while to enter into the presence of the Lord, and then we experience Him in that moment, and we come alive. But tonight, no more than 10 seconds after my knees hit the ground, I felt God speak to me a statement that both broke me and filled me with beautiful joy. I believe this is what I heard Him say to me:

'I've been waiting for this all day. I love when you read & seek knowledge of Me, and when you enjoy the simplicity of the carefree life. But there is nothing I love more than these moments.'

I teared up almost instantly as I felt His love so powerfully. After some time, a thought in line with the path of my day came to my mind. I believe this was also the Holy Spirit teaching me a very important lesson. Reading about the Lord and learning about the knowledge of the Holy One & our walk with God is a wonderful thing. But spending one on One intimate time with God is far better. This hasn't diminished my passion for reading, but rather enhanced it by giving it its proper place.

"... knowledge of someone does not guarantee intimacy with them." - John Bevere

We can know all there is to know about God, our human nature, and Scripture itself and still be far from God if what we learn and read never gets past our mind and into our heart, our will. Another way to view this idea is to take a picture of a close friend in hand. It's nice to see them and think about them, but I'd much rather spend time with that friend and be right there with them, for it is in those moments that encouragement, love, and laughs are shared, and we get to know one another better as the relationship/friendship is grown.

God, help me to always take the time just to be with You everyday. And may it not just be a routine moment of the day ... but rather my favorite and most anticipated part of each day, because I know it's Yours as well.



Brian

While I had planned to write successive posts about prayer, God has a mysterious yet beautiful way of interrupting our plans and our very lives. First off, I've come to realize that several, if not all of these posts, have potentially come forth with an overly critical and perhaps a teaching spirit as if I'm above others. That is not what I want this blog to be. In retrospect, maybe I even started it with this vain concept in mind, but it is not something I wish to continue in, nor a false pedestal I wish to put myself upon. Rather, I want this blog to be clear, vulnerable insights into what God is doing and teaching me in my personal life. I'm not above anyone reading this, so it's time I started writing like it. It's become quite clear to me that the line between edification and criticism is easily blurred. The post I enjoyed writing the most, and seemingly the most well received, was the "Three Truths" post. There's an easy-to-see contrast between that post and my others, with its focus on personal lessons I'm learning through life, and general spirit of edification throughout. These are the kind of posts I want to keep writing.

Perchance I dove deeper than I was prepared for. With all this being said, I want to thank each of you who have read and encouraged me through the writing of this blog.  With newly opened eyes, I look forward to this fresh start God has given me and trust that His grace will help me to think and write with a humble and broken spirit, so that His Spirit would flow through me. That you would not receive the half-useless ramblings of a weary brother, but the love, wisdom, and encouragement of the omniscient, eternal One.